Dressing Rooms

For me, the fitting rooms in department stores are sort of like a "house of horrors." And those mirrors have got to be rejects from some carnival's funhouse. You know, those mirrors that distort your body - make you shorter and fifty pounds heavier. I want to know why they can't make mirrors that make you tall and slender. Now that would be a funhouse.

When one of my favorite clothing stores built a new store near my home, of course I had to visit on opening day. My internal shopping radar spotted clearance racks within moments of being in the store. I found it odd that a store had clearance racks on opening day.

I don't have a degree in marketing, but I always thought clearance racks were a store's unsold merchandise from the previous season. But apparantly the other stores in this particular chain forwarded some of their items to entertain (or reward) those of us that braved the Grand Opening.

After I scoured every clearance rack, my cart was loaded with hangers and clothes. A sign reading "wide load" would have been an understatement. Good thing hubby wasn't with me. The site of my shopping cart would have him fearing for a second mortgage.

But what he doesn't understand (probably like most males) is that just because it's in my cart doesn't mean I'm actually thinking about buying it. 

The things in my cart could mean, "I wonder what I'd look like in this?" OR "Everyone else has one of these, I wonder if I could pull it off"

OR "I think I'm still this size" OR "I'll never buy this but I want to know what a $100 dress feels like on my body."

I wedged my oversized transport that opening day in the dreaded, but necessary, fitting room. I was hoping for something like new fangled, helpful soft lighting. Drats! No soft lighting. But look at the hooks in the dressing room.

I appreciate their helpfulness in organizing through my boatload of goods in the dressing room. But if I were making the signs, they'd have to say things like: 

• Who sized these stupid pants anyway?
 
• Risky fashion...text picture to daughter for advice


  
•  Great price, but do I look like a nerd? And is the purse too big?
 

• I shouldn't have had that chocolate milkshake...but if I suck it in...
 
 
 
• This one's a little big...maybe no one will notice
 
OR
 
•  Unnecessary - but gotta have...prepare justification for purchase 

What would your dressing room hooks say?